We Miss Daddy!

Well, Jason has been back at work for four days now. It's hard being without him. Not just because I appreciate the help, but because I just like being with him. Espen agrees. :) Despite the fact that we both miss Jason terribly while he's at work (and I know he misses us too!), Espen and I have been doing pretty well while he's gone. We "read" books together and walk and dance around the house. And nurse. We do that A LOT! I'm sure Espen is hitting a growth spurt, as he wants to eat even more than usual. It can be a bit frustrating at times, as I don't really have time to even run to the bathroom when he gets on a milk binge, but if it helps him grow big and strong, it's totally worth it! The downside to all the eating is that Espen seems extremely gassy almost all the time, poor guy. I don't know why his poor tummy gets so upset, but he just scrunches up and cries. It doesn't happen every time, but often enough, and it takes a good hour to work it out of his system and then guess what it's time for??? Eating! :)

With the exception of his gas, Espen has been doing really well at night (sometimes he's up for an hour or two with an upset tummy, but he can't help that.)... until Jason went back to work. I don't know if the change of pace upset him, or if he could sense the stress of it all, but Monday night was maybe his worst since coming home from the hospital. He would not stop crying for anything, and that made me cry, and it was a big, tearful mess. It may not have been any worse than some of those nights at the beginning, but I was trying to let Jason sleep so he could function at work, and so I was tackling this all on my own. Fortunately this seems to have passed. He was fussy again on Tuesday night, so Espen and I slept in the living room, so as not to disturb Jason, and that was less stressful on me, as I could lay down next to his bassinet and try to comfort him. Last night was even better. Espen slept for 5 hours straight! YES!!! (He was awake for the next 2 hours with a bellyache, but I'll take it.) I'm looking forward to the weekend so that Jason can take a night shift. :)

I'm not sure how this will go when I go back to work, and the time is looming! Honestly, I am petrified at the thought of going back to work. Not only will I be totally exhausted, I can hardly stand the thought of leaving Espen. I know he'll be in good hands, as he'll be with one of his grandmas, but I feel like he is still so little and needs his mom. I'm also panicked about the logistics of the whole situation. I have no idea how long it will take me to get him ready and myself ready while dealing with his needs, plus what if I forget something he needs? Will there be any way I actually make it to work on time? Will I be able to focus on my job? And the biggest question... How am I going to deal with the milk issue? I have no idea how much milk to pack for him to eat, especially if he keeps up this "eating every hour" business. And lets not even talk about pumping at work. ACK! I think Jason and I are going to have to do a few trial runs. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't completely lose my mind!

On a much more fun note, Espen had a happy evening yesterday. We went for our evening walk around the block, and when we came back, I fed him and changed him. Usually after I change him, I lay him down in his crib so I can wash my hands. When I came back, Espen was cooing and smiling at himself in the crib mirror. It was so cute! He was batting his little arms around, making the rattles on the mirror shake, just giggling away. Jason and I must have watched him for a good 15 minutes before he started to get bored and wanted to be held. So adorable!